At-One-Ment

I read my son’s most recent blog about disambiguity and anxiety, and I liked what Tolle had to say about sin and missing the mark. I absolutely agree! My son’s dad used to say that sin was something that separated us from one another and from God. I agree absolutely with that too, and I’ll get to that later. I’ve experienced anxiety in different ways, but in reflecting on that, I realize that they all have the same result. Having deadlines for school or work and worrying about getting it all done in time caused anxiety for me. Slighting or sniping at a loved one causes anxiety for me as well. Not doing something I promised to do causes anxiety for me. In all those examples, I have missed the mark. If I were better prepared or had not waited so long, I would have anxiety about a deadline. If I thought before I spoke, not hurting someone I care about, I would not have anxiety. And if I lived out my promise (or didn’t make one in the first place), I wouldn’t feel anxious.

When we don’t do what we intend to do, and know that we can, we are falling short of our own self-expectation. When we do something intentionally that we know can be hurtful, we are also falling short of our self-expectation. And we are in a state of cognitive dissonance. We feel separated from what we consider our “best” self. We feel separated from a person, or a group of people, that we hurt or disappointed. We’ve missed the mark.

My belief, which is where my spiritual searches have led me, is that God represents our “best” self. When I am the most disambiguous, to use my son’s word, is when I am sure that what I’m doing, where I’m going, and what I’m feeling, are all with my best self. That’s when I feel a oneness with God, because I’m at one with myself. That feeling can come over me especially when I’m in a place of peace: watching the waves at the ocean, sitting in a boat on Gull Lake with the beauty of trees, rocks, water, sunlight, and quiet all around me. It’s not as easy when there are the distractions of phones ringing, demands on our time, all those things that must be done. We lose track of our best self because we’re trying to take care of too many things. I think that Buddhists and those who meditate regularly have the answer. They are able to clear their minds and focus on the calm and their oneness with all creation. It doesn’t matter whether that oneness has a name. One can call it God or a spiritual state or nirvana or best self or light. I love that my son use’s “Namaste” as his signoff. I first saw that word when my friend’s daughter Katie used it in her email address, and I had to look it up. One definition says “The light within me honors the light within you”. It could be “My best self honors your best self” or “The holy within me honors the holy within you” or “God within me honors God within you”.

That’s what I think it means to be “spiritual but not religious”. God to me is not a religion; God is always there within me and everyone else, our best selves, and when we honor one another’s best self…spirit… light…God, whatever is all good, then we are doing and being all that Christ taught us to be. One needn’t go to church, and so very many people who don’t go to church and would say they don’t believe in God are doing “namaste” every day of their lives.

We see all that goodness in nature because nature does not have the human tendency to separate itself into “good” and “bad” or into any state of polarity. Summer doesn’t fight with winter; trees and grass live peacefully together. Wild animals accept that they have predators just as they need prey. They need to eat, and that weakest gazelle will be the lions’ next meal. No intention to harm, and they kill quickly. Snap the neck.

What many find in going to a church is a community of people, a way to do caring things for people more efficiently as a group, a way to give from their best self. I think that many other people have a need or desire to be told what to do and what to believe because they somehow haven’t gotten past the judgmental part they grew up with. It’s hard to understand how someone can “worship” a God who they believe would strike down a homosexual or a prostitute or a thief.

When I was eleven and in 6th grade, I had a friend from the other end of the street who introduced me to shoplifting. I knew it wasn’t “right”, but it was fun for a time, it was daring. I didn’t need any of the things I stole; I did it for “fun”. My mother questioned me on a few acquisitions. “Jane gave (or loaned) them to me”, I’d say, and I knew I was lying. I don’t remember how long this went on, but I began to feel separated from my mother; I began to believe I might go to jail. Finally, I broke down one night and told my mother (for whom it was certainly not news) that I’d been stealing from Kresge’s. I swore I’d never do it again. And I cried a lot. But my mother held me, assured me that she loved me, and I slowly began to feel reconnected with her. Religions call that “atonement”, which means “to become at one with”. At-one-ment.

That’s what I seek. Namaste!

More to come…